I hate this.
I'm so insecure.
And I'm always jealous.
I hate how I keep disillusioning myself.
I should keep busy more often so I don't need to keep thinking and analyzing.
People confuse me.

And in the end I am probably make myself feel this way, not them.
Am I making myself feel like shit?
Why do I have to be stupid like this?
I'm probably feeling all this for nothing.
I have a mix of emotions right now.
Stress, anger, sadness, jealousy, and can dying count?
I like my life but

I hate what I have to go through or see.
I wish I was there with them, or at least with that one person.
But I couldn't, I was too late to come see them.
I stayed in bed, miserable and ashamed.
I'm 80% sure I'm just overreacting,
But the thought can't leave my head.
It really took over me.
And for the first time I feel like I want something so bad but I can't grasp it.

I can't fall asleep. I refuse.
I wish I could see you.
But I'm in a pool of hopelessness.
Sort of like dying, because once a person can't handle too much severe pain they can die.
I would die because my wants are so strong but I know I can't fullfill them.
Not literally die but symbolically.

I hope I can see tomorrow.
I miss you.
I'm really troubled aren't I?